Holistic Wayfarer, inspiring writer of the blog A Holistic Journey invited me to take part in her ‘Belonging’ series. This week she reveals guest posts from honest and courageous bloggers sharing unique stories of the struggle living as outsiders. This is mine.
Most of the time, my relationship with my God and His grace are sufficient for me. I know I am loved eternally by Him. He hears my prayers and has opened my ears to hear His voice. Yet because I am human, there are times I feel like an outsider because I am a single woman in a culture that values couples and family. I suppose I have felt like an outsider my whole life.
Upon completing fourth grade, I was advanced two years. The unwanted achievement placed me two years younger than my classmates through the remainder of elementary, junior high and high school. I graduated high school at sixteen. I was also short (4’7”) and timid, which made the experience difficult at best, horrific at worst. Social awkwardness, teasing, bullying, puberty, an abusive father, and coming of age in the 1960s all contributed to my never knowing who…
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Susan Irene Fox 
Susan, what a beautiful woman of God you are. I wish all women would find their fulfillment in Christ. It would take the pressure off both the single and married women. Only Jesus truly satisfies the human heart. You radiate his love.
Blessings ~ Wendy ❀
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Thank you, Wendy. It took lots of prayer on my part, but once I surrendered, the comfort and fulfillment came rather quickly. His love has no bounds.
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There are several ways to be alone at church. I am a “church widow” as my husband does not attend. So, I love when my adult children come to church with me while they are in town. If we went to the same church, I would sit next to you! 🙂
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Hah! Thank you, Debbie! 🙂
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Susan, I am not officially on WP right now because of facing an aspect of my Life that needs attention. But I had to respond to your article you wrote. I feel I have come to know you a little, and these words resonate within me, mirroring me in many ways. Even though married, (the aspect that is now needing attention) I feel so alone and for the most part, I do things by myself. If it were not for Yeshua who I have Loved since a child, I don’t know how I would be alive. Just because you are single, doesn’t mean that there are married woman who feel just as alone as you, and ache for company. Physical real company. I too, have felt so out of place in this world, never truly fitting in, and that by itself has made my life a very solitary one. Yes, my Work requires the Silence and the Alone Time, yet when this Life is finished, Yeshua and I will be sitting down together so it can all be explained to me why I chose such a challenging Life. Cannot I do what I am now among people who understand me, and speaking of, where exactly do I find these people who understand me? Good question. I no longer attend any church, for within the very church itself, I found contradictions, outright deceit, and many things said or implied to feed the “victim” in others. Yeshua taught freedom, Love, Truth. So my Church as become Mother Nature, and that is where I hear the Voice the loudest. At times the Voice comes just as I am closing my eyes, and immediately no matter how tired, I get up and write down what comes. So, now that I have written a book, I pray that the PRINT that is YOURS is all you had hoped for and more. God bless you, Susan!!! With Love, Amy
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Sweet Amy, thank you for these words that connect to my heart. I know that marital status has nothing to do with feeling alone or lonely; I have been there as well.
It is His voice we must heed, and it comes to each of us in different forms, volumes and ways. You are on my heart and in my prayers. And YES, the print is phenomenal – so deep and rich with color and meaning and LIFE! Thank you. Neither of us is alone in His everlasting love.
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YES!!!! The print came today!!!! OH I am thrilled. Tears come to my eyes knowing at last you hold in your hands, something that means so much to you. Bless you, Susan!!! Love, Amy
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😀 ❤
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Thank you for sharing this- I appreciate how you express being fulfilled and comfortable in your own skin, yet still have days when you feel alone or on the outside. I pray that God opens the eyes of your community even more and you continue to find family there.
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Thank you, Stephanie. I realize I, too, need to look for other “outsiders,” and be bolder in my own requests to sit with people I know. Even so, He continues to fill me.
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Hi Susan.
Your life story is amazing!! As I read your story a lot of questions came to mind. One question I have for you is this, is there any desire in you to have a family after all these years??
I can only imagine what you have been going through!!!
Have there been times of lashing out at God for being single?
Your faith in all of this is really inspiring!
Thanks for sharing your story!
Rolain
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lol! It’s funny, I don’t consider my life anything but average. Everyone has gone through struggles of one kind or another. I’m actually quite content now. I didn’t want this to sound like I’m complaining; I’m not.
There are times when I distinctly feel the loneliness, and I have wondered at times why others have had such an easy time in relationships. On the other hand, I don’t know their backstories, their own hurdles or needs.
I can honestly say I have never felt rage at God for being single now. I have had my time in relationships, and I conceded long ago I am not good at choosing men. I have surrendered this choice to God. I know this circumstance will not define me as a child of God, nor will it define my level of joy in Him.
As the apostle Paul said so beautifully, “I rejoice in the Lord greatly…not that I am speaking of being in need for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance,…I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” (Phil 4:10-13)
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That is pretty amazing I must admit……! I am speechless.
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🙂
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Nothing wrong with being single. I wish you the best of luck on your journey. 🙂
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Very true. As I said, I am thoroughly comfortable with who I am, relaxed in my own skin. Thank you.
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You are a strong woman Susan. As Christians, we’re told to see God’s will in everything. Your difficult life experiences only prove just how resilient you are. Not many could go through what you’ve been through and still remain this strong in faith. I believe God knows what He wants you to accomplish in life. The greatest companion one could ever wish for is God, and you have Him already. It’s ok to feel lonely sometimes. I know God understands, and I believe He has a good reason why until now you’re still single. When the time’s right He’ll help you know why and you will be thankful.
Recently I got nominated for the very inspiring blog award, and I couldn’t think of anyone who deserves the award more than you; but your blog is an award free site. I mentioned you in my acceptance post instead. Please click on this link to read it. http://alygeorges.wordpress.com/2014/07/09/very-inspiring-blogger-award-2 Thank you for constantly encouraging me. I greatly appreciate it. 🙂
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Aly, only another strong woman would recognize and appreciate another. You have been through much yourself – too much for someone your age. I pray for you often and know that God has wonderful plans for your life, too.
Thank you for the special mention on your blog – I so appreciate it. You are a beautiful and special woman, sweet one. Bless you for your loving comment here.
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Thank you Susan, for letting us in…you are beautiful and your truth and honesty is like a river in the desert.
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You’re welcome, Diana. The truth and honesty comes from being sixty-three. The beauty comes from Him Who made me. 😉
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Beautifully and heartbreakingly written. This should be read out at every church because I think it’s too easy for people to forget about the single or divorced who may feel on the peripheries. A dear friend of mine who is divorced and has no plans to remarry has frequently commented on how church can be a very lonely place for a single person.
Thought-provoking piece Susan.
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Thanks, Bunny. I often think back to the “original” church, and how they made every effort to care for the older, single women among them, and all those “on the periphery.” Kind of sad we don’t actively look for those among us any more. We come and go without much notice.
Please give your friend a hug for me, will you?
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When I see her, I will, Susan. Please accept a virtual hug from me. Whilst I am not currently affiliated to a church, when I settle in one, I will be mindful of what you have written. As a woman who’s husband has no faith, I have had to attend alone and yes, I have felt lonely too.
Everyone needs physical touch and it’s amazing how a hug can just lift you out of whatever and make you feel good. We need to hug more and we need to hug those who are on their own too.
Thank you again for sharing this.
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