Recovery from Hate

Hate is a drug.

Hate is so addictive nothing else matters.

We cannot see our addiction or acknowledge it.

We do not understand we have a problem nor that we are addicted.

Hate becomes more important to us than family or job or sanity or God.

We need a twelve step program, but we must first acknowledge we have a problem.

The first three steps are as follows:

We admit we were powerless over hate–that our lives had become unmanageable.

We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

After we acknowledge we have a problem, it becomes easier to see how powerless we are over hate. It is a powerful moment to see how unmanageable our daily decisions are when ruled by hate. It is a snowball effect. Once we hate in a small way, we begin to hate in large ways, and hate starts to overcome love and compassion. Hate rules our thoughts, our hearts, our lives.

As we regard our powerlessness to release the hate, we believe a Power greater than ourselves can restore our sanity, can turn our hearts of stone into hearts of love again. We must surrender whatever control and power we think we have to turn our lives around and give it up to God because holding onto hate is insanity.

I will give you a new heart—I will give you new and right desires—and put a new spirit within you. I will take out your stony hearts of hate and give you new hearts of love. (Ezekiel 36:26)

When we finally decide to turn our will over to God, we allow Him to transform our hearts and minds. We allow Him to take our hand and walk with us, (or carry us when we cannot walk) and ensure our burden becomes light. He takes on our worries. He lets us know our world will not be trouble-free, but that He will be always with us on the journey.

He teaches us to breathe when life seems overwhelming, and reminds us that He creates everyone as equal human beings – all His children, whom He loves equally.

As we work our way through these steps, we ready ourselves to take on the next step and the next. We are strengthened by our surrender.

If anyone thinks they may suffer from the addiction of hate, please visit the 12-step Program site at the Addiction Center to see the subsequent steps for recovery and other related information.


  1. I try to erase any thought of hate from my mind. It is so destructive and certainly not Christian. Thank you for the reminder.


  2. […] goodbye toast to Susan Irene Fox, a Christian sister and a blogger friend to so many. She was a rare treasure and will be sorely […]


  3. Harley Quinn · ·

    Before I accepted Jesus as my Savior, I pretty much had a life driven by hate, especially hating myself. Being saved didn’t all of a sudden get rid of the hate, but brought understanding that I had to work on my hate. It was hard. It took me years. My hate was starting to bring me farther away from our Lord, and pretty soon, I stopped going to church and, unbeknownst to me, the hate grew. And there was a situation where I literally hated this one person for breaking my best friends heart. Then, when she started dating one of my exes (no jealousy at all). I was so concerned that she would do the same to him. He was still a good friend. I told someone of my reservations, and two days later I received a scathing Fbook message from the girl. This only served to strengthen my hate, and I would avoid places she was going so I wouldn’t physically hurt her. Yes, it was that bad.

    At the same time my mental health started to get worse, and I developed horrible social anxiety where I would barely go anywhere. The girl got completely taken in by my friends, and I was pushed aside (or shoved). I had told my best friends about the social anxiety, and that, for some reason, meant that they wouldn’t really talk to me and I didn’t get invited to things anymore… but the girl was put on a pedestal and everyone loved her. I hated her even more.

    I did not forgive her until last year. And it started four years prior. I started to pray for her instead and asked God to forgive both of us. We’re still not at the point when we were good friends, but we can do small chat and I now had no problem being in the same room as her. And I also forgave the friends who pushed me away. Nothing is the same with everybody (except for two and their husbands). But I’m okay with that, and all of them are in my prayers each day. Jesus didn’t hate, and the minute I forgave her, I had an experience of the Holy Spirit.

    There is nothing God can’t do.


  4. Why is it going around on several sites that you have passed away? I hope this means you have not! 🙂 ❤


    1. Susan did pass away on August 16 2017, she had articles scheduled to post, so i allowed it to run its course in her honor.
      My sincere apologies if that confused any of the followers.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh I’m so sorry to hear this! My condolences to all her loved ones❣️


  5. Amen. Thank you for writing this! ❤ You have a new sub in me 🙂


  6. Wonderful post, Susan. I just posted about a similar topic and 12-step approach to what I call an epidemic of unforgiveness (not unrelated to hate) in our country. I like the way you take us through the steps. They’re incredibly powerful–when we’re desperate and courageous enough to take them in the company of sometimes stranger friends. 🙂


  7. Susan, our 12 steps will work to rid ourselves from hate’s addictive grasp. True. Thank you for sharing. I agree with you wholeheartedly. The first thing, and to me the single most important thing, to do rests on Step 1’s first two words: we admit. We see the same circumstance in those who suffer from a mental illness. The worst thing loving family members grapple with is their loved one’s refusal to admit they have a mental illness. Many get there and grow into recovery. They go on to live productive lives and manage their illness. Others do not. The tipping point for their future rests on their ability to admit they have an illness. Thank you for sharing.


  8. Melissa Presser, Lover of Jesus · ·

    Miss you Susan, even writing to us from beyond because you are alive in Christ’s heavenly kingdom


  9. Hate…the 12-Step Program

    Brilliant !!!!

    HA (Haters Anonymous). Perfect. Well done. May I repost?

    Liked by 1 person

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